Special-Needs Kids and Special OccasionsMaking family gatherings good, not ghastlyBy Terri Mauro, About.comFamily get-togethers are the worst. Too many people. Too much noise. Too much food. Too many opinions on the ways you're raising your children. Never mind the fact that kids with special needs often go crazy during big family events -- they're often not exactly a shining hour for us as parents, either. How can you make it through the meal without chewing someone out, putting your foot in your mouth, or eating your words? If a quiet dinner at McDonald's is out of the question, here are some ways to get through these gatherings without going crazy. Make an escape plan. Better to leave before things go bad than stick it out and live to regret it. If you're spending the holiday at a home other than your own, arrange a time limit or a signal ahead of time and observe it -- even if it means missing the pumpkin pie. If your child seems to be coping better than expected, you can always extend the deadline, but be ready to split at a moment's notice. If at all possible, when your holiday travels involve such a distance that you'll have to stay overnight, get a hotel room. Your child (and you) will need someplace quiet and chaos-free to decompress after so much family exposure. Then again, if everybody's coming over to your house for dinner, make your child's room off-limits to everybody but him or her, and encourage your child to use it as a refuge when things get overwhelming. Clothes don't make the kid. If your child has sensitivities to certain types of clothes, or just stubbornly insists on wearing something you (or, you suspect, your mother) will find inappropriate, don't pick a battle today. Eyebrows may raise if your kid's in sweats while every other little cousin is dressed to the nines, but you want to start your child out with as low a stress level as possible. Fussing over clothes, or putting him or her in clothes that you know will cause anxiety, is a bad way to start. And this way, when the inevitable spills occur, you'll be the only parent at the table who's not worrying about ruined outfits. Augment the menu. Whether you're bringing a little something to somebody else's party or planning your own repast, make sure there's something your child will enjoy eating. And then don't comment if that's all he or she will eat. The goal of the day isn't cleaning your plate or trying new foods or pleasing the cook. It's getting through the meal with a minimum of trauma. And, more importantly, it's about giving thanks for the good things in our lives. If your child only wants to give thanks for macaroni and cheese, so be it. Be the one who watches the kids. Keeping a close personal eye on your little one has a number of benefits. You can intervene in inter-child squabbles. You can assess your child's level of overstimulation and act accordingly. You can play with your child if no one else will, or lead the other children in a game your child can participate in. And, perhaps most importantly during these events when you feel every judgmental eye is on you and your family, you can avoid conversations with grown-ups. You'd sure like to discuss your child-rearing flaws with Aunt Gertrude, but -- oh, honey, do you need some help with that? Why don't we sit down here on the floor and do it together. Bring supplies. Fill a backpack with things your child finds reliably comforting or fun to play with -- toy cars, a stuffed animal, a tape and tape player, a few books. Having them available, even if he or she doesn't actually play with them much, may give your child a sense of familiarity that will be relaxing. If he or she gets overstimulated, find a quiet corner or a back room in which to spend a little time with the toys. If nothing else, toting the toy bag around and making it available when necessary gives you something to do that does not involve long conversations with unpleasant relatives. Beware of bribes. You may be tempted to offer some big reward for your child's good behavior at a family get-together, but that can backfire. The fear of losing that much-wanted thing may add to your child's stress overload and actually bring on even worse behavior. Some kids may talk themselves out of wanting the reward because they feel so incapable of providing the required self-discipline. And once you've lost that incentive, things can go downhill very quickly. Small spontaneous rewards during the course of the event are often more effective, because they reduce stress and improve mood. Then, if your child does pull it off, you can always give the big reward later with much praise and encouragement. Remain calm. Memorize this phrase, and repeat it over and over in your head whenever you feel yourself losing your cool: I do not have to apologize for being a good parent to my child. We may struggle under the weight of "advice" or disapproval from family members, but our kids don't care about that: They need what they need. You know best what your child needs, and providing it is your most important responsibility, no arguments. Since most children with special needs react badly to stress in their environment, particularly stressed-out parents, staying relaxed and low-key is one of the best things you can do to keep your child's behavior in line. You can always throw a tantrum when you get home. Don't overbook. Hold the festivities down to one event per holiday. Don't hop from house to house, or plan a big outing the night before a family event. Give your child (and yourself) the maximum amount of de-stressing time surrounding the minimum amount of stressful activity. This may be a disappointment to friends and family members who feel you are sheltering your child too much or rewarding difficult behavior, but you know best -- better one successful foray into the outside world than three or four really miserable ones.
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Holiday Survival and Autism How to Survive the Holiday Season with a Child with AutismThese ideas will help pave the way for a fun and smooth holiday season for you and your autistic child.
The holiday season is hectic for everyone but more so for a family with an autistic child. This time of year brings the autistic child and the entire family out of their usual routine and exposes them to people and places that they may not be familiar with. This can create a host of problems including increased stress levels for all involved. These four tips will help you and your child survive this holiday season. Use Social Stories to Describe Christmas Day to Your Autistic ChildSocial stories are commonly used to describe situations an autistic child will face. The story will describe how the child should act in that specific situation. You can write a story for your child and include pictures if you like. The chaos of Christmas morning can easily overwhelm a child on the autism spectrum. A child with an idea of what to expect is less likely to experience sensory overload. Creating social stories for the majority of your major events during the holiday season will make it a more enjoyable time for all. Here are some examples of social stories: • It is Christmas morning. Uncle Paul will bring the parents out from under the tree and hand them to all the children. The children will then open the presents. There will likely be lots of loud squeals of delight and wrapping paper flying about. If you need to take a break you can go to Aunt Susie’s bedroom. • Everyone sits down to eat dinner where there will be new foods for you to try. If you don’t want to try something it is OK to politely decline. Plan Ahead for Dietary Needs for Your Autistic ChildIt is not uncommon for children on the autism spectrum to have food allergies or other special diets. If you are planning on spending the holidays at someone else’s house, plan ahead. Make sure that there are plenty of your child’s favorite and safe foods on hand. Having ready access to foods will help ease your child’s transition into the new environment. Plan Some Quiet Time for Your Autistic Child on Christmas DayDon’t over plan your day with too many activities. It is important for children on the autism spectrum to have some down time during the Christmas festivities. If you and your child know that you have planned for quiet time on a daily basis you will be more refreshed and less stressed. Keep to Your Autistic Child’s Standard Routine as AllowedChildren with an autism spectrum disorder are often-times more affected by change in routine than other children. Even if you are out-of-town you can still maintain many of your daily routines. Morning and bedtime routines can be kept even if you are not home. Don’t forget your child’s lovey or other comfort item. For more information on this topic read: Calm an Autistic Child's Tantrum or Autistic Parenting Books.
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Top Ten Things to Consider When Buying Toys for Children with Disabilities 1. Multisensory appeal: Does the toy respond with lights, sounds, or movement? Are there contrasting colors? Does it have a scent? Is there texture? 2. Method of activation: Will the toy provide a challenge without frustration? What is the force required to activate? What are the number and complexity of steps required to activate? 3. Where toy will be used: Can the toy be used in a variety of positions such as side-lying or on wheelchair tray? Will the toy be easy to store? Is there space in the home? 4. Opportunities for success: Can play be open-ended with no definite right or wrong way? Is it adaptable to the child's individual style, ability and pace? 5. Current popularity: Is it a toy most any child would like? Does it tie-in with other activities like T.V., movies, books, clothing, etc? 6. Self-expression: Does the toy allow for creativity, uniqueness, and choice-making? Will it give the child experience with a variety of media? 7. Adjustability: Does it have adjustable height, sound volume, speed, level of difficulty? 8. Child's individual characteristics: Does the toy provide activities that reflect both developmental and chronological ages? Does it reflect the child's interests and age? 9. Safety and durability: Consider the child's size and strength in relation to the toy's durability. Is the toy and its parts sized appropriately? Does the toy have moisture resistance? Can it be washed and cleaned? 10. Potential for interaction: Will the child be an active participant during use? Will the toy encourage social engagement with others?
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When Relatives Just Don't UnderstandThe most difficult part of orchestrating a peaceful holiday may be your relatives. It is difficult even for parents who are well acquainted with ADHD or other disabilities to really understand what degree of self-control a child may have. This is complicated by the fact that many children may have more than one area of difficulty. For example, Tourettes children may not be able to suppress tics for a long time. A child with some OCD (obsessive-compulsive disorder) characteristics may not be able to put down the Gameboy during prayer time. A child with verbal blurting may not be easily corrected when inappropriate language occurs. In addition, depending on medication levels or on how tired, hungry, or worried you or your child may be, the situation may spin out of control. Considering all of this, imagine how hard it is for grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, or friends to understand exactly why your child does not "behave." Some relatives may be well versed in ADD information, but others may simply not understand. Depending on their receptiveness, some comments and instructions before visiting can help. For example, you may say, "John has some trouble calming down at times so if we leave the table, please go on and we will return when able." If necessary, you may want to use the doctor as the one responsible for the intervention. It may be acceptable if you say, "the doctor said to talk to him in private, if he/she has a problem."
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Getting Kids ready to go BACK TO SCHOOL!
Greetings!
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2008 Edition of Toys“R”Us Toy Guide for Differently-Abled Kids
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